How to Use the Grey Rock Method When Dealing with a Narcissist or Toxic Person

Hey, Stacy here — and if you’re reading this, chances are you’ve found yourself dealing with someone who’s… well, draining.

Whether it’s an ex, a family member, or someone you work with, toxic people have a way of poking and prodding until they get a reaction. And when you’re in the thick of separation or trying to co-parent peacefully, the emotional rollercoaster can be a lot.

So let me introduce you to something that might help: the Grey Rock Method. It’s not flashy, but wow, it’s powerful.

What Is the Grey Rock Method?

The idea is simple — you act like a grey rock. Yep, literally a boring, dull, uninteresting little rock. No emotion, no sparkle, nothing exciting for the other person to latch onto.

Why? Because toxic people (especially narcissists) feed off reactions. They love drama. They want you upset, defensive, flustered… because it gives them a sense of control.

Grey rocking takes away their supply. When you stop giving them emotional energy, they’re left with… silence. And that silence can be your superpower.

“Isn’t that just being rude or cold?”

Nope. It’s not about being passive-aggressive or playing games. It’s about protecting your energy. You’re not being mean — you’re setting a boundary. One that keeps your peace intact.

So, What Does It Actually Sound Like?

Let’s look at a few real-life examples:

1. When They Try to Start Drama

Them: “You’re always trying to turn the kids against me!”
Grey Rock You: “Pick-up is still at 4pm.”

2. When They Fish for Info

Them: “Heard you’re seeing someone new…”
Grey Rock You: “I’ll send through the schedule tomorrow.”

3. When They Throw Insults

Them: “Wow, you look tired. Maybe get more sleep instead of playing victim.”
Grey Rock You: “Thanks for your opinion.”

4. When They Try to Guilt You

Them: “Must be nice to afford holidays while I pay all the bills.”
Grey Rock You: “Okay.”

Short. Boring. No emotion. No fuel for their fire.

A Few Things to Keep in Mind

Using the Grey Rock Method might feel weird at first — especially if you’re used to defending yourself or trying to explain your side. But trust me, the more you practise, the easier it becomes.

Here are a few gentle reminders:

• Don’t over-explain or justify yourself

• Keep replies short and neutral

• Don’t take the bait

• If they escalate, stay calm — that’s their discomfort, not yours

This isn’t about “winning” an argument. It’s about stepping away from the chaos.

When Should You Use Grey Rock?

• During tense co-parenting convos

• When dealing with controlling ex-partners

• With toxic family members who love drama

• Even at work, when someone’s trying to stir the pot

Basically — any time someone is trying to push your buttons or drag you into a conflict you don’t want to be in.

But What If They Don’t Back Off?

Sometimes when you start grey rocking, the other person might try harder to provoke you. That’s normal — they’re trying to get a reaction like they used to.

Hold your ground. You’re doing this for you — for your peace, your healing, and your sanity.

Grey rock isn’t about shutting down emotionally forever. It’s about choosing where your energy goes — and who gets to access it.

If someone has shown you, over and over again, that they only want to cause drama or manipulate you, it’s okay to disengage. It’s okay to choose calm. You don’t owe anyone your emotional energy.

This is just one of many tools I talk about in the Empowered Separation space — and it can be life-changing.

If you’ve used the Grey Rock Method before (or you're just starting to), I’d love to hear how it's going for you. You're not alone in this — and you deserve peace.

Big love,
Stacey M