Hello and welcome to another episode of the Stacey M Show. Today is in relation to just some practical self-care strategies for single parents who are currently going through a separation or have gone through a separation. And really the strategies that I have today can be used for really anybody. It doesn't have to be somebody that is going through a separation because there's something that you can do across the board irrelevant of whether you're going through that separation or not. The first one I want to go through is time management. So if you are like me, you try to fit way too many things in your day and then at the end of the day you're upset with yourself because you feel like you haven't accomplished anything when in fact you have probably done more than what you realize so I know I am guilty of this um and I still do it I am trying to be much better than what I was. But I still definitely try and fit way too much into the day. I think that we have double the hours and that I don't have to go be a mom or a business owner or whatever in between. So try your best to create realistic routines. So I know from the time that I wake up in the morning to get the kids ready for school, get them to school. If I go to the office, I go to the office. If I work at home, I work at home. So I have those routines for that. I only have a certain amount of hours before I have to go and get the kids again. So I don't have, you know, full days that I can go and do things. So those days are long, you know, long and dusted. So I know that realistically, I only have, you know, maybe a couple of productive hours per day because the rest of it is running the business or businesses, I should say, or seeing clients or doing things that aren't necessarily going to be moving the needle or money generating, but they're still things that have to be done. So try your best to prioritize the essential tasks. That doesn't mean that the other things that you have to do are not priority, but you know, think ahead, right? I've got sport day coming up and they had sport on Monday. Today's Wednesday or tomorrow's Wednesday. I need to make sure that the sports uniforms to go. I know making sure that my girls uniforms are ready to go is a massive one for me. So we don't wake up the next morning and, and somebody's not yelling, you know, where's my shirt? Where's my skirt? Like, where are my sports uniform? Like, you know, for me, that's just one thing I can avoid in the morning. So I make sure that the night before or even try and think a few days before, you know, right, what uniforms do we have on what day, and then I make sure that those are well and truly washed and ironed, hanging up in their cupboards, and ready to go. In between, in between, in between trying to do all that, you need to try and find moments for yourself as well. So that might be when you go to have a shower, you might want to do like a quick five minute meditation. Or you might want to read before you go to bed. Or you might want to read when you're picking up the kids from school. So often, I will take my book in the car to pick up. Sometimes I'm too mentally drained to read. So I don't read, but the thought was there. So reading could be something else that you want to do. It might be listening to music. It might be listening to these amazing podcasts, whatever it might be. You need to try and fit some of those moments in with yourself. It might be as simply as leaving your phone in another room and at night time, once everything is all done, you're sitting in the lounge with your kids watching TV, you know, so it doesn't have to be anything, you know, super wild. But time management and creating those really, really realistic routines. Since my kids were babies, like literally babies, and I don't know whether someone had told me this or read it or whatever, to this day, I still go through with my girls what we're doing. And I've always done that. And they always expect me to do that. So, um, you know, it might be all right. So, uh, tomorrow, uh, we've got school, obviously then we have touch football. So Lily, you can make sure you do your homework. So when we come home, you know, we can all have tea, make sure you have a shower before we get home, you know, all those types of things. Or, yep, so we have, you know, Joe, she's on an excursion tomorrow, we need to make sure that we're at school at this time, whatever is on, I still communicate that with my girls. And I don't think it matters how young. I said my girls were literally babies when I had started doing it. So that can be really helpful as well because then you might find your kids are like, right, so we have to get all this done, you know, try and make it fun. Right, let's go find our shoes. Let's do this. Let's make sure our bags are packed, our lunches are packed, whatever it might be. That might be something that is really useful for you because I know it's been really useful for me and my eldest is fourteen this year, so that's how long I've been doing it. Mental health strategies. So mental health is a big one. You know, I have had clients who have suicided. Some of those still really haunt me to this day. And really, it was from those moments where I started learning all the different other modalities. So I'm a certified mindfulness coach. I'm an RTT therapist. I'm just finished off my clinical hypnotherapy studies now. There are so many other holistic things that I have learned because I don't think being a lawyer is enough anymore. And I haven't thought that for a very long time. I have done suicide prevention training, my team wanting to do that themselves. So a couple of them, did some training last week. So it's not just me, it's also my team that really want to make sure that we can help people as much as possible, because they too know that it's just not enough being a lawyer or being, you know, working in a legal practice, you need to make sure that you can help people when they need it. And Thankfully, a lot of our clients do put their hands up and say, look, I'm struggling or I've got to go away to hospital for a couple of weeks. And that is absolutely fantastic. There is absolutely no judgment from us whatsoever. Congratulations for being so brave and for telling us, you go, do you. We will tell the other side that they just have to wait and you need to get better. Like that is your priority. If you can't do that, please try and find something that you can do. So if you feel embarrassed, which you shouldn't be, have a conversation with somebody online. You can do texting now. I'm not quite sure what service that is through. I want to say it's Lifeline, but you can have the telephone call with a service like Lifeline or Beyond Blue. There is a special Indigenous mental health line now as well. You can have texting conversations instead of speaking on the phone. Please utilise those services if you feel like you can't speak to anybody around you. I would please highly recommend that if you are going through a separation or if you're utilising a lawyer, please let them know that you are currently not okay, if they don't understand that, then they are probably not the lawyer for you. There really should not be anything so urgent as for them to go, okay, we just need to harden up. We still have to get this done. That is more likely going to make you go and do something that can't be undone. So if that is what is happening, you need to go find another lawyer who will understand that. Daily mindfulness practices can be something. So breathing exercises. reading, going for a walk, listening to a meditation. You know, I love comedy movies and I usually watch the same one over and over and over again. And yes, I know that is a sign for ADHD, which I probably have. I've got no shame in admitting that. But I watch comedy movies and I watch the same ones multiple times because I know that that is going to help me. You know, that's going to put me out of that funk if I'm a funk. in a funk sorry not I am a funk um I'm going to feel good watching it and afterwards I'm going to feel good um I just know what to expect so it might be sitting down and watching something funny you might want to watch just um you know america's funniest home videos you know there's a pile of things on youtube that my kids watch as well I can't think of what they what the name is but it might be something like that breathing technique is something that i I've been told is really, really beneficial. I personally don't quite know enough and I don't know enough techniques to use. I know really, really basic ones. So you might want to just jump on YouTube or TikTok and go breathing techniques. That might be your thing. Tapping is something for people. I can't get into tapping. Maybe I haven't given enough chance. I'm not sure, but tapping might be something that you want to have a look at as well. But, you know, please make sure that if you were at that point where you're just not, you know, not able to see the light at the end of the tunnel and you feel like you are suffering, Please go utilize the online services like Lifeline, Beyond Blue, or reach out to a counselor or a therapist or something. If you have a lawyer because you're going through something, please let them know. Please do not have shame in saying that, hey, I'm not good at the moment. I need to take some time out or something. um so please please make sure that you do that I really think that um there's a long way to go in that the suicide rates are growing and the ages are getting younger and they're getting older so we really need to try and well we don't try we need to change that and um you know mental health is something that is here and it is very common in You know, family law doesn't have to be family law. It could be other areas of law as well. So please make sure just doing those little things each day can also help you get through and the support systems, which we've kind of already touched on as well. So you need to build your village, but make sure that the people that are in your village are the right people. You don't want the wrong people. You know, so often we'll hear stories, they're usually from overseas where, you know, someone's contemplating to end their life and like their group is like, yep, go do it. I bet you're not going to do it this time. You're too chicken and, you know, whatever. Then that person's gone and done that. That's not a one-off story that happens. You don't want someone in your group to get, oh, harden up, get over it. Man up is a common one. Not so much woman up, but it's more of a man thing. It's like it's a stigma that it doesn't exist with men. You need to make sure that you have the right people within your village. And if there are people that are currently around you, and they're not your right people, you might want to consider limiting your time with them. Or just you might want to just not have relationships with them anymore. But you need to make sure that you have that village. And a lot of people do say that They don't have anyone. And I want to run my webinars. There's comments on that all the time. It's been like, you know, where were you when I went through my separation? Like I had nobody. And, you know, it's really sad to think that people think they have nobody or they really don't have anybody because they don't have family. There might've been in a controlling relationships and maybe those friends that they did have sided with one person. You know, there's so many different things. And again, it's exactly why I created my own power separation community. So you don't have to do that alone. You are together with people going through that same thing. And whilst, you know, the separations are all different, there's still a lot of emotions when you go through a separation. So make sure you build your village, but make sure you build your village with the right people. make sure you have resources available. So what we can find online is fantastic. It can also be really scary what you can find online. But as I said before, you might want to go on TikTok or YouTube or something and Google breathing techniques. You might want to Google how to, you know, Google and TikTok to you. You might want to search, you know, breathing techniques. You might want to search mindfulness. You might want to search, you know, ways to keep calm, something like that. Utilise those services. They're free. You don't have to go pay for that. If you feel like you need extra support, that's where you need to go to a therapist, a counsellor, a psych perhaps to get extra help if you need that. So medication or whatever it might be. Boundaries is also a big one. I think this one could probably be an episode in itself, but set boundaries. So if you are used to getting walked all over, if you are used to putting yourself last, you need to create boundaries, healthy boundaries that work for you. And, you know, there's that saying that you have to put yourself first so you can care for others. I know I've definitely not done that. And when I push myself too far, I have absolutely landed on my ass and I have been out for a week to two weeks. There were times when I first went out in business that I would lose my voice completely. Like I couldn't even whisper, like nothing was coming out, usually three to four times per year because I was pushing myself and pushing myself and I would ignore the signs and just You know, my voice or my body just went, right, we've tried to warn you. You're not listening. You're on your ass. And that was back at a time where I didn't have any other team members. So that was just me and didn't completely not have a voice, not even have one to like whisper. You know, that was when I started realizing like, right, I can't keep doing this. I can't be the business owner. that I want to be. I can't help all my clients. I can't help my family if I'm running myself into the ground and doing those little bits and pieces every day will definitely help. But you know, make sure you have time out for yourself, go get your hair done. And then if you get your hair done, go have a nice coffee or something, or go get a massage, go get a facial, whatever it is, just be really mindful as to what you're doing. Do not feel guilty. that you were doing it and just make it, you know, you don't have to make it a day, but just make it like a little adventure, right? I'm going to get my massage and then I'm going to call in. I'm going to grab like a really decent coffee. And, you know, I love scones and strawberry cream and jam. That's my thing. I'm very picky with where I get it. So if sweets is your thing or if it's something savoury, go, right, I'm going to go do this. And don't just drink it and, like, scoff it down. You need to really sit there and be mindful and go, right, like, you know, you've got to enjoy what, you know, you're eating and what you're drinking or what you're doing. Don't be running around, right, I've got to get this massage and then I have to go pick up the kids from school and then I have to take them to touch and whatever it is, whatever that mindfulness is, Be there and be present. Don't try and rush through it because that's not going to have the same effect. It's not the same thing. You really, really need to be mindful as to what you're doing and then not rushing that process. So hopefully that has given you some hints just in relation to some support systems. that can get you through. Remember, I do have my website. I have other episodes in my podcast. If you are going through that separation, I have my amazing empowered separation community as well. Free resources on my website. You know, I'm constantly adding to things as much as I can to make sure that I can help as many people as I can in all different sorts of ways. But do remember that taking care of yourself is not selfish. It's really, really important to do that so you can be there for your kids, so you can be there for your family because if you run yourself into the ground, who knows what can happen. So you're not going to be the parent that you want to be, the mother, the father, you know, the partner, the brother, sister, whatever it might be. So please make sure that you do have some self-care, little bits each day would be great and just be mindful of of what you're doing, like the cream episode, cream episode, cream example that I've used before with having some scented cream, putting it on your hands, closing your eyes and giving yourself a hand massage. I've spoken about music that I listen to as well, which can pop that show notes as well. I can't pronounce the name, so I'm not going to even try. I know it starts with B, just whatever works for you. It might be putting, if like, if your playlist on your phone is as wild as mine, like I literally have Herman's Hermits. And then I go to the other end of like corn, rage against the machine, nine inch nails. Like I really have like really, really different music. And then I have everything in between. You might want to put, you know, rage against the machine on and mosh the crap out of, you know, your lounge or your kitchen. wherever you are, you know, maybe that's what you need to, you know, let that, you know, anger or frustration out. You might just need, you know, some really, really loud grunge music, old school grunge. I don't think there's any new school grunge anymore. And, you know, maybe that's it. Maybe that's what you need. Maybe take up boxing. You know, you need to do something to try and let that frustration out. But I definitely think music is a big one. You know, put some corn on, put some radio machine on or something and, know just go absolutely wild in your lounge lounge room jump around wave your arms um you know uh you'd be surprised of what that does as well to your mood as well because it breaks that pattern but uh hopefully I've provided some useful tips for you today please make sure that you check out the show notes uh please uh check out my empowered separation community if you are going through that separation it doesn't matter at what stage there are multiple things that are in that this is especially good if you're at the very start your separation because that's going to set you up for the for the rest of your separation and uh yep if there is anything that you want me to talk about please do reach out uh enjoy the rest of your day and I will catch you next time
