hello everybody and welcome to a another episode of the stacy m show uh for those who are returning listening to Hello, everybody, and welcome to another episode of the Stacey M Show. If this is your first time tuning in, I am a lawyer based in Australia. I have a legal practice based in Queensland and New South Wales. I have a mortgage broking business. I am a clinical hypnotherapist and RTT therapist. And I have... done all sorts of different studies to complement what I do, which is making sure that we provide holistic legal advice and stay out of court as much as I possibly can. And today's podcast is hopefully going to be relatively quick for you because I know you're busy people. So January is kind of declared divorce month. The first week that lawyers come back from the Christmas break is declared divorce like divorce week, family law week, and really that applies to all of January. So it's like all of a sudden at Christmas time, it comes to a head and people are like, I no longer can do this. I need to find out what my options are in relation to a separation. So separation obviously occurs any time of year, but we definitely know that January is I suppose the biggest peak of the year. The only other time that has been different was in COVID. So kind of like, you know, for two years straight when we were locked down, family law exploded in that time period as well. So because a lot of people are probably thinking finding themselves in a situation where they want to leave a relationship or whether they have had a relationship and whatever it might be, I just wanted to provide three quick tips so you can be educated in relation to what you're going to do. Now, before I go into the tips, when a client comes to us and says they want to separate from their partner, one of the first questions we ask is, can we save the relationship? Now, the caveat to that is if it's a debate situation or a situation that is not safe, that is not something that we would recommend. The priority is your safety and your family's safety above anything else. So assuming domestic violence is not involved, we would be like, right, can we save this relationship? Can you go to counseling? Can you talk to each other? Whatever it might be. A lot of the time is they don't want to, or they have, or whatever. Usually one person is more checked out than the other. And that's the person that's more checked out is the one that's left the relationship. The other person could be completely blindsided by the relationship ending. So you are at two different spectrums here so take note of that um because that will come into play during your separation but the biggest thing the tip number one is educating yourself in relation to the process and I'm not talking about um jumping on the, I call them the mums and bubs websites because I'm assuming there's a dozen bubs ones. I'm not quite sure. But on a daily basis and on multiple times per day, there is somebody on there after advice in relation to a separation. And some of what I see on there is so far wrong and wrong it turns people off separating or they're going into it knowing that you know it's going to be shit it's going to end up at court they're the people that win are the lawyers whatever else so depending on who you pick maybe that's going to be the way your matter is going to go but there are so many different options in relation to family law so first of all my tip would be educate yourself in relation to the process from a reliable source so like this podcast like my website you know, the separation coaches, whatever is out there, legal blogs, we have stuff on that as well. So education is really important. So you know, kind of the gist of what is going to happen. So there's many different things in there. You might have kids, you might not have kids, might be a short relationship, long relationship, there might be no assets, there could be overseas assets, like there could be anything. So each situation is different. So don't assume your separation is going to be the same as anybody else's. The next tip I would suggest is seeking guidance early. So, and that probably really falls maybe into point one as well. So for example, some legal practices open, offer a fifteen minute clarity call. So we do that. It's a complimentary clarity call to kind of get the gist of your situation. Yes, we can help. No, I think we need to refer you on it to somebody else. Just depends on the situation and if they're our ideal client, I suppose. So for us, we don't go straight to court unless it's absolutely necessary, which majority of the time it's not necessary. We have been advocators of selling out of court, using the collaboration process, mediators and things like that. There are other lawyers out there that don't do that. So for us, that is our ideal client, people that want to settle out of court, people that want to save as much money as they can in legal fees, don't want to be vindictive and use their kids as pawns. That's the type of client that we look after at Aqua Legal. So Getting that initial legal advice and educating yourself, I suppose that kind of falls into the same category, is really recommended. And that's a whole reason why I started Empowered Separations. So you have... that education and the guidance and the process and you are surrounded with other people going through that exact same thing so educating yourself and getting advice from a lawyer or signing up to like empowered separation program would be a really great start and by doing that you're going to be saving yourself money by enrolling in empowered separation because you're going to be that far ahead that you may decide to engage. So you might do the education component first and then you might follow the course and get all your disclosure documents ready and your balance sheet and information sheet and everything like that. So when you go to see that lawyer, it's like, hey, I know the gist of the process, here is like my disclosure documents, my balance, like everything, you are saving so much money first off the bat, because the first initial meetings with a lawyer will be asking you to obtain all of those documents. So you're already ahead by doing that and you will save a lot of money by doing that. The next tip I think I'm going to class this as point two because the other ones were probably really the one point, is working out what type of option or what type of separation you want. So if you want to go to court for really no apparent reason to be difficult or, you know, as I said, there are some situations that warrant it, so DV is likely going to be one, you can expect that your legal fees will be much higher than if you don't use the court process. So there is collaborative family law. We have mediators. There is so many other different aspects apart from the traditional family law that people are probably more accustomed to. So have a think about what type of family law matter you want. I want it to be smooth. Some people still talk to their ex and they can work out something between themselves. If you can do that, fantastic. If you can't do that, that is also completely fine. So make sure that you choose a lawyer who has the same values as you. So whether that's going straight to court, if that's your value, go find that lawyer who will do that. If you want to stay out of court and settle as quickly and fairly as you can and keep legal costs down, then choosing a lawyer who aligns with that value is going to be really helpful to you. So yeah, have a think about kind of, you know, I'll see posts and I'll be like, I need a hardcore family lawyer. I want to take him or take her for all they've got and whatever else. Usually doesn't just like, it's not justified. And yeah, it's probably not going to end well you're you're setting the tone of that family law matter really harsh the whole matter will probably be harsh and it's going to be very argumentative and it's probably going to get really really petty so if that's the route you want to go go for it if that's not the route that you want to go then make sure that you find a lawyer that aligns with your values The third tip that I would recommend is looking after your mental health and that can save you money. So we move at the pace of the slowest person. So if you're the one that's struggling to come to terms with that relationship ending, we are not going to push a client to like do anything that the other side doesn't understand that then we will make it very clear that this is what's going to happen and this is how it's going to work so looking after your mental health is very important and will save you money because if you go to start a process or they start a process against you and you're not ready We'll delay the process. There's no point in us trying to get instructions from you and say, hey, we need to sort this out. We've got this letter. It's just going to keep piling and piling and piling on top of you. And that's not going to be healthy from a mental health perspective. And it's not going to be fair on a legal costs perspective because a lawyer is going to be charging you for stuff that you're just not in the right frame of mind to even consider anything. So your mental health is incredibly important if that means you have to go see a counsellor if you have an addiction and need to go into rehab or something you might need to deal with that first whatever the circumstances are the mental health aspect will have a play in your legal fees because it's you're going to be getting smashed to kind of give instructions for things and you're just not there. So it's fine to engage a lawyer that's like, look, I'm struggling at the moment. I need to go into rehab. I need to see a counsellor. I'm not in the right frame of mind at the moment. I'm suicidal, whatever that might be. Your lawyer should be understanding that. And then communicating that to the site. Hey, my client's not quite there at the moment. We're aware that this separation has happened and, you know, we will finalize it. But, you know, my client is, you know, still processing what has happened and is in counselling and does not have the capacity at the moment to be able to instruct us. So we're here, but you're just going to have to be patient. So that can happen. And the last thing that a lawyer should be wanting you to do is agreeing to things because you feel pressured that you have to agree to something. And at the end of the Because you felt pressured all the way through. So to recap, we've got educating yourself and perhaps aligning yourself with a lawyer or enrolling in a course like Empowered Separation to educate yourself. yourself so you have an idea of what the process is and what the documents are that are going to be required from you the mental health aspect is also really important that is going to save you your money and it's going to save you mental space because a separation can be really difficult and if you're adding in layers of depression addiction suicidal thoughts all those additional things that are still standard and if that is you do not think that you're you know, you're weak or anything like that, that definitely happens. And your priority is making sure that you yourself are safe. You get the help that you need. And then when you're in a position to, we can move forward and with final of negotiating and finalizing that separation so and the other tip was looking at avoiding litigation so using a mediators um you know collaborative practice there are things out there um and lawyers out there who generally want to save your money and that's that's us as well I I've never been a lawyer that just wants to milk clients for their money and my team are exactly the same so sometimes it's difficult to find a great team because we don't all have the same values but everybody within my practice is the same we want the the best possible outcome in the shortest time frame possible with as minimal legal costs as possible. So at the end of the day, you walk away with more. And as I mentioned at the start, that is a whole reason why I created the Empowered Separation Program. So we, if you're not quite sure what that is, we do have, usually we have every month, we will have a webinar. We have one coming up on the thirty first of January and we usually do them each month. So they're they're pretty regular. And in the webinar, I go through what the what the program is about, give you tips on how to make sure your mental health is okay, you know, and priority, picking lawyers, everything. And in the program, it covers, so you can appreciate that female law can be so involved and so many different things. I don't think the program is ever going to be at a point where it's done. And from when I launched to now, we've added a whole pile of things over the Christmas break as well. So the idea of the course is you educating yourself providing you with all the information that a lawyer, or the majority, some lawyers could be a little bit different, but you'd be pretty close to what a lawyer's going to ask you for. Providing that to the lawyer and go, kind of know the process this is the type of approach and lawyer that I'm after for my separation here is all my information I have been able to speak to my ex and we kind of have a rough idea or I try to speak to them and they don't want to have that conversation you know whatever that might be and you're going to be leaps and bounds ahead of somebody who hasn't educated themselves and will be paying so much more in legal fees because they're going to be having all those questions and lawyers charge on a six minute increment usually some do fixed fee the majority are six minute increments and when you're looking at a hourly rate of probably five hundred dollars and above that does that up so mine's five fifty alone So I know there's lawyers that are like seven hundred, eight hundred. So depending on the area of Australia you live in, you're probably guaranteed to be paying a little bit more if you're in a city like Sydney or Brisbane or something. But just doing those few things will honestly save you money. And it will make you feel better. It will take the stress away of not knowing what's a process, what do I need, are these feelings normal? And even in the relation to like the feeling side, lawyers, most lawyers probably won't really care. So we're not taught at like a legal, like law school to, you know, take someone's emotions into account, believe it or not. Like that's just not, that's not a thing. So in empowered separation, we go through making sure that you do look after your mental health and we combine the mental health aspect with the legal aspect. And more likely than not, you're not going to get that through a lawyer. They, we are trained a certain way. And unless you deviate from that traditional training, it'll probably be done in a traditional way and lawyers have so many files. So if they were to hold the hands of all of their clients and you know, it, it probably just wouldn't work and you would probably be charged an absolute monster. So yeah, we go through that, you know, people feel shame. Sometimes they're angry, sometimes they're happy. So many different emotions can happen with a separation and we discuss all of that in the Empowered Separation Program. So hopefully that gives you a little bit of insight as to how you can save some money in your family law process. So it's getting educated, aligning a lawyer that fits within your values, consider non-litigious routes, so mediation. um collaborative legal training sorry I kind of forgot what the word was then um the lawyers that are collaboratively trained to stay out of the legal process there's I've done divorce coaching as well or collaborative divorce coach so you know you can have somebody help you along that you've got empowered separation so you do have options other than the traditional legal which probably really is, to be honest, a little bit outdated. So hopefully that helps. We'll provide links down below to Empowered Separation and our website. We have a stack of other podcasts as well. So go through the Stacey M. Podcast, you'll probably find other podcasts in there that will appeal to you. And as always, if you have any questions whatsoever, please do reach out and we would do our absolute best to respond to that in some form, whether it's by our weekly email or a podcast, because I can probably guarantee that you're not going to be the only one having that thought. So yeah, please do reach out. Please look after yourself. Thank you for tuning in and I will catch you next time.
