Hello, I am Stacey and today's podcast is about Christmas, Santa and co-parenting over the Christmas break. So I hope you are getting organised and sorted for Christmas. I think for once my Christmas shopping is pretty well organised. All that done, which I'm really excited because I'm a little bit hit and miss each year. But I thought this topic was really important coming up to Christmas. So I'm going to give an overview of balancing Christmas, Santa, traditions and, of course, co-parenting. over the season. I know my kids have about two months off school, so that's a long time to be coordinating kids between school holidays. The caveat to this episode though is if you have orders in relation to your children, probably don't listen to what I'm about to say. It's really important that you adhere to those orders, otherwise you can get in really big trouble. uh you can of course listen for suggestions depending on whether you have a parenting plan or parenting orders but uh yeah if you have parenting orders or a parenting plan please continue to adhere to that yeah because otherwise uh you uh yeah you may land you in trouble with santa so um this christmas could look a little different for some people and you know what that's okay It was going to happen at some point. You're going to have an occasion, whether that's Christmas, birthdays, anniversaries, funerals, Easter, whatever it might be, something was going to come up that you hadn't done before if you have separated between like last Christmas and this Christmas. So what I want to say is this is a wonderful time to start new traditions. So don't think that... it is not going to be the same. it will probably be different and it depends how you celebrate, you know, that Christmas period. But think of it as new traditions that you can start with your family. Or if you're really lucky, you might still get along with, you know, your extended family and you may all still be able to have Christmas together. And if you can do that, then that's absolutely amazing as well. But if we're looking at having essentially kind of two separate traditions, Christmases, this podcast will just maybe give you some suggestions. Take what you need. Don't take anything. You're obviously free to do what you want, but I just wanted to provide some suggestions in case you were flying a little bit green. As usual, I have my notes to the side because otherwise I'm going to forget. Oh, I will go off on a tangent. So first of all, Santa. So Some families may have Santa, some families may not have Santa. That's because they may have kids that don't believe anymore or it could be religious, whatever it might be. If you still have Santa, it's really good to make sure that you're across the Santa between both houses. We don't want You know, of course, if you agree to, you know, tell the child perhaps that there is no Santa, then, you know, that's obviously, you know, that's your decision. But make sure you're really clear on whether the whole Santa thing is going to be happening this year. And also let the kids know, you know, Santa's not just about presents. It's magic, it's generosity, it's that excitement for children and adults. as well um so yeah just um so one household has santa and yeah the other doesn't try to find that middle ground as I was saying before you there's no point you wanting and them not wanting you're gonna get an unhappy child in between here somewhere and that could cause conflicts so have that discussion kind of around santa with anything's going to be changing this year or not, try not to undermine each other's approach about Santa or Christmas or probably really anything in general. I know that's easier said than done. That's not going to be helpful, clearly. But, yeah, it's just, yeah, it's not going to work out in the long run. You're going to keep having conflicts if you keep undermining each other. If a child is worried that Santa's not going to find them in their new home, depending on what you have, like we didn't have a chimney, so we had a magic key that we used. You know, Santa shows up magically in every home. Whatever that might be, just encourage your child. It's like, yes, well, Santa is going to be here. We know what Santa's like here. dances across the rooftops and Christmas Eve and delivers all those presents. So Santa knows where we are and Santa will be coming. So just kind of re-emphasize to your kid that it's going to be okay. Santa's going to know where we are. Even if you want your child to do like a letter to Santa. Hey, Santa, we've moved to this new house. Just want to make sure that you know, you know, whatever. So if that eases your child's mind, then awesome. um what else um expectations about gifts so this is probably relevant whether you're co-parenting or not so generally if you're co-parenting you possibly have lost an income compared to where you were last year you might be new relationships or whatever it might be but the income might be down from last year You know, we know everybody's wish list and they're quite long. I've always said to my kids, yeah, just because, you know, you're not going to get everything on this wish list. Like, you know, Santa will take into account, you know, what's on this list and see what you need most. So, yeah. Yeah, so just kind of have the kids have at it in relation to their list but also let them know that, you know, Santa's learning on his selector, you know, a few items that he thinks is going to really suit you or, you know, whatever that might be. Teach kids about gratitude and the spirit of giving. So I know my eldest more than my youngest just because, you know, I think some of the old people scared her when she came to the first time. But with Rotary, we go and visit nursing homes. And on Christmas Day, we do hospital. I never made it to the hospital just because of the logistics of what we have on Christmas Day. But the nursing home. So I used to take my eldest. She's just turned thirteen. She would have been... Oh, gosh, she's been doing that. She's been doing that for years. And we would go into the nursing homes on Mother's Day or Father's Day and give, you know, a little hand cream or would give, I don't know, some handkerchiefs or whatever it might be on Mother's Day and Father's Day because a lot of people unfortunately didn't get visitors. So we went around and I suppose Lil and Josie would have as well. She just, they get it too much taking to a nursing home. So I stopped doing that. But it just showed them. you know, what it's like to give and, you know, see the smiles on their faces, you know, because they've had a visitor or they've got a gift. You know, they might not have had or got a gift for, you know, the years type things. So I've really taught my kids to express gratitude. I'm very honest in relation to, you know, I went to America and the, well, I've been to America a couple of times now, but, you know, I was overwhelmed with the amount of like homelessness over there. And I was talking that through with my girls when I went, when I came back last year. And it's like, you know, you complain that you don't have, I don't know, whatever it might be, but you know, we're a lot better off than what some families are, you know, we're not way up here. We're not down here, but you know, we are comfortable and it's not about having everything either, but it's just putting into comparison is like, okay, so not everybody has the luxury of Having running water or, you know, living in a, you know, nice warm home in winter and a nice cool home in summer. New clothes, whatever that might be. I've always been really honest with my kids to say, you know what, we're doing pretty good. You know, try and really be grateful. And that happens as an adult. I get a bit emotional. Like, you know, probably the same. So I tune in to what's happening as well. I was like, you know what, like, you know, I've got a pretty good, you know, I might not have whatever it is in the future, but let me appreciate what I have right now. So having that gratitude and that spirit of giving, I know there was, I haven't seen her for a little while, but it was a lady that used to hit people up. for money when you'd be going into the Bottle-O. And, you know, Lil would always want to give her money. And I'm like, we give her money, she's probably going to walk into that Bottle-O and she's going to come out with probably a goon bag or something or like a, whatever, a long neck or something. I'm happy to go to Woolworths or Coles and grab her, you know, some water and some food, but I'm not going to give her money. So we did that and, you know, she was ecstatic. So, you know, things like that. It's just really putting into perspective. We volunteer a lot. We've had a couple of cracks at Samaritan's Lunch, but you never quite get it to align. But, yeah. You know, I'm on a board for a not-for-profit, so my girls know very much the spirit of giving and volunteering your time and being really grateful for what you've got. So that was probably just a long-winded, you know, suggestion to say just, you know, make sure you practise gratitude with your kids and it's not about how many presents are under the tree. Even that's probably easier said than done as well, especially in little kids. Um, you know, they can be thoughtful surprises. So, you know, they might not get everything on the list. There might be some other things, you know, that you might want to throw in there as well. Let the kids know, you know, yep. Cool. I'll give you a list to Santa. Santa might think there's some other things relevant that you haven't thought of, you know, um, just yeah. Kind of, kind of manage the expectations, I suppose. Um, something else we have also done and we do it on birthdays as well is experiences. So as my kids were getting older, like, you know what, you kind of really don't need more things. Let's throw in experiences. So for Christmas and their birthday, I used to kind of contain what I used to give them suggestions as to what they could pick, just so we were based around a local area, not, you know, Lily's hanging to go to Singapore. So, you know, I don't want some adventure in Singapore because that's probably not likely to happen anytime soon, but experiences. So it could be treetops. It might be going to the beach. It might be going to the zoo. It might be I don't know, go into the movies. It might be, you know, whatever that might be. It doesn't have to be anything extravagant. But so the past few years, I'm like, right, well, you know, you're not going to be getting a ridiculous amount of presents, but let's throw in an experience. So experiences are really good. It might be hard for a younger, you know, if you have younger kids, if you're kind of heading into that tween ages and above, it's probably a lot easier just to try and throw in an experience. I definitely would try with a younger child. I didn't incorporate that when the girls were young, but you might go, Let's go to the beach. Let's go to the zoo. One of the girls' experiences was to go horseback riding. Another one was to go and swim with stingrays and stuff like that. So the movies was fun. It's just things that we kind of don't do, but we probably need to do. So Try and throw experiences in there. Other suggestions are like, you might want to bake cookies for Santa. We've done that. We still do that. We've done that for years. Watching holiday movies as a family. So generally from December, we'll start watching Christmas movies. We have certain ones we watch at certain times. So putting out the Christmas tree, it's the Muppets Christmas Carol guaranteed every year. My youngest hates it, but yeah, we still watch it. You know, the Grinch movies, Christmas night is National Lampoons. My one is Love Actually. So I've already done that for this month. I only watch that once a year. But, you know, there's certain movies that you watch at Christmas time. Christmas with the Cranks, that's another one we watch every single year. But, yeah, if you're just watching Christmas, sorry, Christmas family, Christmas holiday movies as a family can just be lovely as well. um you know christmas lights so we still look at christmas lights um I don't think you're ever too old to go looking at christmas lights we have a massive like so we're surrounded by a vineyard and how many gardens do like a massive christmas spectacular which I just remembered I told my girls was going to take them this year so but I'll probably organize that but um to go christmas start looking so like we still do that you know jump in the car kids in their pajamas Sometimes we're in our pajamas and we'll go around looking at Christmas lights. Like that can be amazing. Sometimes people go all out, you know, you've got to sync your radio with like their station because, you know, the lights sync up with music and, you know, like it's magical. So, you know, little things like that, just jumping in a car, looking at some lights. Caroling, I know that we have like a carol sing here. tonight where I am. Um, if there was one last night, like there's heaps of like, you know, kind of Christmas carol-y things like that. Um, you know, so consider taking kids, um, along to that as well. And generally they're free. So might be a bit easier on the budget as well. Um, So the low-cost stuff, I mentioned before that you kind of might be an income down and you're stressing. So there's a pile of free stuff I've just kind of mentioned or low-cost stuff as well. Other low-cost stuff is do a handwritten note from Santa. Be very careful with your writing. However, you might want someone else to write it just in case Santa has the same handwriting as you. um but you know you can you can get your child to do a handwritten note to santa and then you know you have one in response to that as well that would make you know super excited um footprints so I used to do the easter I haven't done the Santa ones, but you can buy the footprints. It's fun to clean up, but it's either flour or glitter or something so you've got that print. Also hard when you're in Australia and it doesn't snow. at Christmas time. Yeah, so our Sandy will be wearing pluggers. But yeah, but it's still, you know, it's still magical. So you have like the footprints. Reindeer food, we did that for years. I think we would still have reindeer food from the girls when they were at daycare. It was like oats and glitter. I'm pretty sure it was. You just sprinkle that on the grass for the reindeers, but lay the carrot out. would leave cookies out um somehow along the lines Santa upgraded from water to a beer there'd be a beer left out for Santa um yeah so get the the reindeer food super easy to make you can make it with your chocolate kids get some cheap oats from Coles or Woolworths whatever grab some glitter there's your reindeer food so that can be really fun to do as well um elf on the shelf so If you choose this, you are committed for life. I don't think there is, once you have started, I don't think there's any way that you can stop. So Elf on the Shelf is something else that you can consider doing. The elves, you know, they come, they're much cheaper and you don't have to get the old school elf on the, like the original Elf on the Shelf. But if you do do that, you are committed, you are committed for life. you know, twenty four days in December and probably nearly the rest of your life as the kids have got older. Well, my eldest, you know, she will start helping like doing things with Elf because you do get to a point where you're a little bit done. We have a we have two. So we have Buddy and Ivy. So they get up to things. So Elf in the Shelf is something else that's a bit fun. If you want to do just note you're committed. So Um, you can, you know, make own ornaments. They've got all like flower and, and water to make Christmas ornaments and paint, you know, um, that can be fun. Um, Christmas decorations, garlands, um, wrapping paper, um, tags, cards, like whatever, um, things like that with the kids. They would probably love, you know, bit arty and crafty and, you know, low cost, but can be really exciting for your kids. Um, what else um so getting to the stage where the tough questions start to happen and you know the kids might be questioning santa so when my audits found out she was just questioning too much and I was concerned that she was going to take it away from her little sister um so I said yes you know I told her you know that you know um you know santa is still magical and and all that but you know in uh you know kind of there isn't I suppose um I worded it much better than that but um I said look you know you can't tell your sister um your sister still very much believed I can't remember how this was a few years ago maybe five years six I think um you know but it the the spirit is still there the love the magic none of that changes it's just kind of where those gifts come from so You know, don't, don't tell anybody. Somebody may still believe, especially your sister. So kind of keep that to yourself, but everything that Sandra is there for is still there. It's just that gift component. So make sure you're across that between the different households as well. You know, even if you don't tell them, it doesn't, you know, he doesn't exist. It's like, okay, it's okay if you don't believe anymore, but there are still people out there, you know, that do. Let's continue keeping that magic. alive so um different things different ways that you can word that um usually you get caught off guard so um you know if you're not there yet I'll probably kind of practice what your um response is going to be otherwise you're going to be a bit like stunned mallet and you're not quite sure what's going to come out of your mouth Um, the Santa visits. So I think I mentioned this before, but coordinating, you know, where Santa's going to go. So, um, Santa's going to come to both homes and you're going to have presents at wherever it is, whether it's at your place, your ex's or like their dad's or their mom's place, whether it's, um, grandparents' house, cousins' houses, whatever it is that you do, just reassure your kids that Santa is going to find them wherever they are. Um, So, again, if you have orders, please stick to your orders, otherwise you're going to get in trouble. But I think starting the conversation about... Christmas holidays, Christmas in general, New Year's Eve, if you go away at Christmas time, having those conversations, having, you know, they could be difficult, but you need to have them. You both don't want to book a holiday at the same time and not communicate that to each other. And then someone's going to get cranky because, you know, you booked the holiday for the same time in probably two completely separate locations. So the earlier you can have those conversations, the better. You may want to go you know, half-half on Christmas. So maybe Christmas Eve and Christmas morning might be with one parent. Christmas afternoon, night, Boxing Day might be with another parent. You might be lucky where you can all still attend the same Christmas because you all get along. So that's amazing. You may just want, you know, one family to have, you know, your child at Christmas. And then, you know, someone maybe Christmas Eve or Boxing Day, whatever that might be. Just make sure that it's fair. So if you maybe had Christmas last year and you're asking for this year, that could be pushing it. So just be really mindful as to how you coordinate it and to make it fair from any other year. So the first Christmas is probably going to be difficult. It could be awkward. You might be having conversations that you don't want to have, but those conversations are going to be better than coming up to that occasion and saying, You know, your energy changing because you're cranky because your ex hasn't read your mind that, you know, you want the normal Christmas Eve traditions or whatever it might be. So just be mindful on that. I get it. It's going to be hard, but it's going to drain your energy if you don't have that conversation. Um, and just make sure that, you know, the pickup drop off times, just make sure that's all, um, taken into account, take into account like what you do on the day as well. So, you know, um, you know, there's a Christmas breakfast and, you know, there's Christmas lunch and there's usually a Christmas dinner. And sometimes there's a Christmas Eve stuff and sometimes there's boxing day stuff. So if you kind of have, If you know that, you know, I have Christmas Eve, or I have Christmas lunch, and then we go here and then we have Christmas dinner. So you might want to go, okay, I'll have Christmas morning, take them to lunch, and then I'll drop them, you know, I'll drop the kids off at your place so you can then go do the nighttime thing. Just try to, yeah, try to, I say be the bigger person. So try not to get into... bites over it, I suppose. But yeah, just try and do your best to have that discussion with your ex. At the end of the day, you have to remember it's about the kids. It's not necessarily about you. So you have to make sure that your kids And not picking up on the energy. If you're cranky at each other, you have to reassure them. It's like, right, yep, so you'll see mum in the morning or you'll see dad in the morning, whatever it might be. So kids will pick up on that. So just make sure you have those conversations. Gifts. So, you know, you might want to either joint buy things together. You may want to go, hey, I brought this just in case you buy a duplicate. So that's an idea. Uh, budget conflicts. So somebody may have more money than somebody else. So there might be like a pile of presents from mom and nothing from dad or vice versa. So it's managing that. So it's like, oh, awesome. I've got all these presents from mom. Mom is way better than dad. Yeah. Woo. Or, you know, I've got all these presents from dad. Mom sucks. Yeah, dad. Um, that is, you may not be meaning to do it, or you may be meaning to do it, but if you're not meaning to do it, you're it. it can have that flow and effect that, you know, this person is more fun than perhaps that person. So we're really careful with budgets and make sure that you are similar, I suppose. So one person isn't better off or looking like they're the better parent than another, because they've got more gifts. Take your kids shopping. They will probably still want to buy for their parents. They may want to make. something um so I would probably still suggest that you take your kids shopping um to to get you know their dad or their mom or whatever it might be uh something special um keeping that respect um is really important it's just going to help the process and you know if this is your first christmas it's probably going to set the precedent but for next christmas so you don't want to be all angry at each other and yelling or whatever, because that'll probably set the same precedent for next year. So yeah, and I get it, like, it's going to be difficult. I'm not saying it's going to be a walk in the park, but try and remember that this is for the kids. So you're doing what's best for the kids. So, and just letting the kids know, so they know that they're going to see their parent or, you know, whatever that might be. You know, there might be Zooms or like FaceTimes if you're not in that same location. So consider that as an option as well. If, you know, you're not living close together or, you know, you might be away or whatever. Managing the emotions. So that's managing the emotions of both yourself and your kids. So you both, so yourselves and the kids might be feeling really upset, a bit down, confused, worried, angry, anything. So just make sure you're checking with the kids to go, Hey, I know that this Christmas is going to look a bit different. How are you feeling? Do you have questions? whatever it might be. Again, remember, it's all about the kids at the end of the day. So just make sure that they're feeling comfortable together. Let them know maybe some new traditions that you're going to be doing, like whether that was like putting up the Christmas tree or, you know, this year we're going to have like a Christmas breakfast and then you're going to go see your dad or your mum and then you're going to have like an amazing lunch there with, you know, Grandma Jo and Grandpa Bob or whoever. And you're going to have an amazing time there. And then I will see you again on... on whenever um that will just help the kids kind of plan in their mind okay so I am seeing the same people it's just going to look a little bit different this year might be on different days or different times or whatever so um and you know if you have a support system um you know use them so if you need to go off and vent cry whatever it might be having that support system will also help you through um your first christmas I'd probably make sure you're not alone at Christmas time. So if you find that you may not have the kids that day or you may not have the kids until, you know, later at night, you know, maybe there's a friend's place that you can go to to have lunch. So I'll probably, it's up to you. If you want to be alone, maybe you do. But if you don't want to be alone, maybe, you know, consider, you know, gate crushing your friends Christmas perhaps. I kind of spoke about the morning and afternoon alternating years for the traditions and for, you know, what parents going to see who on Christmas day as well. You kind of got new years after that as well. So there's a standard holiday that you go on, make sure that's all communicated. So there's no issues in relation to the holidays, which I've mentioned. um make sure you take care of you so christmas can be stressful if this is your first christmas it might be even more stressful you might be stressing about the kids uh budget presents whatever it might be so make sure that you still do take care of yourself um for any occasion whether it's that first christmas that easter birthday whatever it might be um self-care is going to be really important for yourself so make sure you don't forget about that either um and then you know embrace that help from family and friends um if you have that option there as well so um probably crammed a lot in and I'm sure I probably could have gone through many other things and probably in more detail but it was really just to get you thinking that christmas is coming up I've thought about it. I haven't thought about it. I need to have that conversation. I'm not quite sure what my options are. Again, if you have orders, please obey those orders. Otherwise, you'll get in trouble. If you don't have orders or a plan with your children, these are some things that you may want to consider. So use them, don't use them. Change them to how they suit you. I just thought it might be helpful because we are coming up to Christmas in a couple of weeks. So just remember that kids usually just love to be with you. They value your time. So you might think that, and then make one for the latest PlayStation or something, but remember sitting in the lounge with your kids, making biscuits, cookies for Santa with your kids. That's all things that they really cherish. So, you know, just bear that in mind as well. Just be kind to yourself. If the kids are going through some emotional stuff, try and manage that as best as you can. You know, if they need to cry, let them cry. If they're angry, let them be angry. Like, you know, they may have a pile of feelings that are built up. So just make sure that, you know, they are loved. You know, mum and dad or mum and mum or dad and dad both love you. I'm obviously going in the assumption that there's no DV. as well so put that as a caveat in there but um you know we love you you know this will be an amazing christmas we're going to start our new traditions whatever it might be but you know just know that your kids might be a little bit rough And I guess that's about it. So wanting to wish you all a very lovely Christmas if I forget to do it for the next episode. We will continue throughout the Christmas break because, unfortunately, that is where a lot of family law separations happened. So I will be providing as many useful podcasts as I can. But, yes, as I said, we'll be coming up. We'll be still going through the Christmas break with various topics. If there's a specific topic that you want me to discuss, just reach out and we will try and slot it in if it's relevant. Other than that, that's about all. So thanks for tuning in and I will catch you next time.
